When I quit, my life turned around for the better, in ALL aspects, not just the smoking part of it. My entire life improved. I admit I relapsed 100's of times, and everytime I did, my world came crashing down. I knew what was going to happen each time I did it.
Not only did I return to my old habit, but all my other bad habits returned as well. Mentally, this sent me right back down to the rock bottom of my existance. I was not a happy camper. This is why I was so depressed all the time, and so anti-social. My life was a rollercoaster!
However, once I relapsed, I began drinking heavily again. Since the two go together so well, it seemed only fitting that I should also be drinking if I'm going to be smoking. This, sadly, turned into weeks of binge-drinking, and getting wasted almost every night.
Why did I do that?
Deep inside, I was punishing myself for smoking again. I would often think to myself, "Well, if I'm going to smoke tonight, then I'm also going to drink." That's exactly what I did.
I would often say to myself, "I'm going to gamble and lose everything I have just to teach myself a lesson for smoking again." This happened all the time, many nights of the week. I left the bar sad and depressed every time.
See what happens when you relapse? It isn't just about cigarettes all the time. There are many more dangerous things that can result of it.
I'd eat TV dinners, frozen pizza, fast food, chips and candy bars. I didn't care, because I had low self-esteem. Smoking became my #1 priority, not a healthy meal. Food was the last thing on my mind. Food became just a means of survival, not viewed as an energy source for strength and vitality. Big difference right there.
There is nothing wrong with going to the bars and drinking with friends. There is nothing wrong with moderate gambling as long as it doesn't get out of control. There is also nothing wrong with eating a pizza. What is wrong, however, is when you purposely abuse those things in order to punish yourself, and to teach yourself a lesson. That's when things get ugly. That's when life spirals out of control, and you hit rock bottom.
That's also when you need to seriously quit before something bad happens. Punishing yourself for smoking might seem like the right choice at the time, but to drink your health away, or gamble your saving's account away, or eat the worst foods for your body, is simply not the right way to go. It's the wrong decision every time.
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