NICOTINE WITHDRAWAL - DAY 17
Today was definitely harder than the last couple days. I felt some pain in my throat and lungs for a good 30 minutes or so. I knew immediately what it was, and was somewhat shocked by it, because it had been so long since I quit. But that is the power of nicotine right there! It's Day 17, and I'm still feeling it.
But that wasn't the hardest part. The worst part is still the mental challenges. Now that the physical is basically over with, but not over yet, the next stage is overcoming the phychological addiction.
It seemed like all day long I was thinking about the past. I was thinking about how easy life used to be 10 years ago when everything was so fresh and new. I didn't have a care in the world. All I wanted to do was have a good time with friends.
Every song I listened to reminded me of being young and full of life. There is a part of me that always wants to relive those moments, and hold onto them and never let go.
Of course all these thoughts and feelings associated with the past involve smoking cigarettes. Nicotine tries to make me depressed that I'm not living those moments again, that I'm not who I used to be, or that I'm not good enough anymore. I know it's all a big lie, but it's still easy to get caught up in the moment. I do miss those old days. I do miss being a free spirit. I do miss not having a care in the world. Yes, those days are long gone, but I do miss them.
Depression is a hard thing to get over when you stop. I'm dealing with it right now. There are so many things I miss about my past, and nicotine is reminding me about every bit of it. It's quite annoying. I don't want to feel depressed. I don't want to feel like I'm missing out on life, or that I didn't do enough things in my youth. I should be living in the moment, and for myself today.
I want to acknowledge, though, that my breathing problems have pretty much vanished. I can breathe perfectly normal now, and it gets better with each passing day. My energy is definitely up, as I worked all day long without a break and didn't skip a beat. Had I been a smoker, I probably would've taken a 2-hour break, and I'm not joking.
Sleeping is amazing, I've been having wonderful dreams, and getting plenty of rest. I wake up BEFORE my alarm every morning as if I don't even need it anymore.
What I need to do from now on is focus on what good things have happened because I don't smoke anymore, instead of dwelling on the past, getting depressed, and wishing I was young again, because I was able to do anything I wanted to do in life. I have to remember that the main thing my early adulthood gave me was an addiction to nicotine. That's not something I want to relive, now is it? That's not something I should look back on and think happy thoughts about. I'm stuck in this position right now because I made such foolish decisions. If I wasn't so stupid, who knows where I would be right now? I could be living in an entirely different city, and working in an entirely different field.
My whole life would be different if I had never started smoking. My whole life from now on will be different because I will never go back to it. I quit, and I quit for good. THIS is my new life, and I'm proud of it.
