My cold I've had is weakening, but that means the cravings have come back. Remember, I can't feel two things at once. As soon as my breathing got better, I craved a cigarette. Now I'm a little wheezy again, and the cravings have stopped. I have no idea why that happens, but it does.
I had a small anxiety attack at work tonight. I thought about smoking the entire time during it. There always seem to be moments when I'm extremely stressed out, and all I think about is smoking. I hope it's not like that forever. I do blame the fact that nicotine is still in my system. I know it's still in my body because I can feel the cravings, and the withdrawal.
It's crazy that on Nicotine Withdrawal Day 14 I'm still having physical pain. 14 days is a long time to be going through all this torture. I've had days without intense cravings going on, but I've also been sick, too. If it's not one thing, it's something else. I've never, truly, felt completely normal yet. Still, two weeks is a long time to be dealing with this, and I still have a week to go.
Because nicotine is still in my body. As long as there is even a smidgen of it left in me, I have to remain focused and not put myself in a dangerous situation. All it takes is one drag of a cigarette, and I'm history.
That's why it's so important to make it 3 weeks. When you're physically craving something, you're vulnerable. If you're mentally craving something, you can easily talk yourself out of it, because your body won't be begging you to do it. There is a huge difference after the 3-week milestone. You'll see, and so will I.
The countdown is officially ON for this last final week. I am nearing the light at the end of the tunnel. I can definitely see it now.
I was walking by a smoker on my way home tonight and it smelled just awful. I thought it would smell inviting, like it used to, but not anymore. It was a dirty smell, almost rotten. Yes, it was very familiar, as it was something that lingered on me for 17 years. But it's great coming home to an apartment that doesn't smell like an ashtray. My clothes don't smell like smoke, either. I can only imagine what other people must've thought about me all those years. People that smell like that are digusting! I'm so glad I'm not one of them anymore.
Copyright © 2009-2014 Matt Neumann All rights reserved.